Longing, Contentment, and the Sun
This was the prompt in a recent New Rules Studio writing session: What has always been true about you, in every iteration, in every lifetime, in every universe?
I long. I long for the usual and unusual. Books that are so good I never want them to end, delicious meals in restaurants that have just the right vibe, perfect blue-sky summer days and the tan lines to prove I made the most of them.
A new favorite song to listen to over and over with lyrics that land as if they were written for me, a view that cracks me open for the divine beauty of it, a partner who really hears me and even asks for more of my often unimportant and unending stories.
I long for revelry. And someone with whom to revel.
Longing is cumbersome, however. It steals moments. It takes up valuable real estate in the brain. So I’ve been considering greater devotion to contentment. Contentment as a practice, as a state of being.
The other day it looked like this: Driving home from work, the longing awakens in the form of missing those I love. I shift my focus to the sun, noticing all of the places it’s shining on me through the window. I feel the warmth of it, gratitude for it, and the contentment that comes with gratitude.
I turn off the music that might bring back the longing. Open the sunroof, even though it isn’t a warm day. Listen to the wind. Feel the cool air on my skin. Contentment. Stay in this place of contentment where we don’t need or want anything. Everything we need is right here. Right here, everything is perfectly imperfect.
Our thought spirals are habits, I think. Our minds go to the same places over and over on repeat. It reminds me of this violinist I’ve seen perform several times now. They loop sounds that are like a movie soundtrack, so dramatic that the hairs on my arms stand up. The violinist can change the loops with the pedals at their feet, creating a symphonic narrative, opening a door to places we didn’t even know we needed to enter.
We can change the loops of our thoughts. Or not. No judgment about whichever option you choose. Because sometimes I change them into something magical, but sometimes I just sit in the same one for a while. We know when it’s time for a change. Be well.